Wow, that was one sick burn Robin.
2013 is turning out to be a not-so-good year for me. Work’s a dementor. Family’s a constant struggle. Friends come and go. So does my relationships.
What can I say. I feel like I was never past that point in my life that I can say I am free.
January’s hell for me. I quit my job. A lover left. My life was in shambles. My future’s a constant blur. An eye doctor can’t even help my dwindling sight of what will be. I could not fathom why it has been a vicious cycle that eats up my faculties. I lost 2 phones in a matter of 1 month, an iPod, a wallet given by a good friend, ATMS, Gov’t cards that’s a pain in the gloryhole to get back, my cat purse, and 11 months of my life that I cannot take back. I felt like Job in the Bible, without the nasty sores. I have nothing (I can hear Whitney in the background ”dun dun dun dun share…my…life”) I was thinking about all these things..
Then it hit me. Like a ton of pink bricks. I was having an Oprah moment.
In spite of everything I have lost for the first half of the year, I began thinking about the things I have gained and retained.
1. I was able to find work after a month. Work has been a constant challenge but it’s all in a day’s work. I have met people from that are very diverse, special, and passionate and it kinda rubs off very positively on me. Overtime work has been a norm for me, in a good way.
2. My family’s has been a constant source of joy, support, and love.
3. My friends are the meanest group of people I’ve known, by laughing at my misfortunes, but hey it’s all good. Without them, I would probably end up inside a mental institution.
4. Since I have so much time in my hands, I started to explore other aspects of my life that I never knew existed. I got back at playing the guitar. I listened to tons of music that I wouldn’t have appreciated before. I met people who introduced me to a whole new world that I wouldn’t have discovered.
5. I got into keeping myself healthy. Still trying to kick the ‘ol habit of smoking but I’m getting there. I run during Sundays if I can.
I mean there are a lot of things to be thankful for. I can go on writing down all the things that I have gained by losing some, but then again, it would look like a grocery list. I just want to point out that even though you feel, like sometimes life is zeroing-in on you by making your life a living Hell, you can always find something to be thankful for. It may come from really weird places, random people, or a text message but it almost always comes when you least expect of it. Sure, there are bad times that will make you feel like giving up, but concentrating on it won’t make them go away. You can read a Series of Unfortunate Events and you’ll be thankful. I just think of it as a test of my character and the person that I have become. Because without these tests, people walking away, jobs that you walked away from, relationships that ended, I wouldn’t have been the person that I am now.
I may not be an entirely different person, but at least a better version what once was. Thankful for everything. In spite of.
It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.
A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.
Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.
You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.
You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.
Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.
Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.
I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.
You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.
Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?
We shall see."
Ryan O’Connell, You’re Not Making The Most Of Your 20s (via the-curve-of-forgetting)
Cause conversations became texting, arguments became phone calls, feelings became subliminal messages online. Sex became easy, “love” gets used out of context, insecurities have become your way of thinking. Getting jealous became a habit, trust has been lost, leaving became the only option & being hurt became natural.
GIRLS: THE RP - This is an RPG based on HBO’s hit series, Girls. Join these crazy characters as they navigate through adulthood in New York City. They’ll have new, exciting experiences and create new relationships, while still trying to maintain the old.
- Hannah Horvath
- Marnie Michaels
- Shoshanna Shaprio
- Charlie Dattolo
- Adam Sackler
- Ray Ploshansky
- Audrey Gelman
We also accept OCs!
Katy Perry The One That Got Away Quote (About break ups, breakups, bye, gif, goodbye, lose, love, sad) on We Heart It - http://weheartit.com/entry/46465630/via/caroline_skornova
"I’m thinking you never know how things are going to turn out. You almost know, but you can never be quite sure. I’m thinking that sometimes you just have to make the decision to be happy. Just decide. Things aren’t ever what you hoped they’d be. Not ever, for anybody. The only thing that separates one kind of person from another is there are some who stay angry about it and there are some who… accept what comes their way."
Away from Her (via annabananawiththeblueberryeyes)
"If I were thinking clearly Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know, only I can understand my own condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."
Virginia Woolf, The Hours